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Life without Hope!

 


It is amazing what time does! 

You would have been 11 today my Larondo. I’ve been trying to picture your face; what you’d look like my love. I know you’d definitely be pretty, tall and ‘lanky’

You’d have been sweet and kind yet firm. I will never be able to forget your smile and the way you looked at me. Oh those beautiful ebony eyes! You would still have been the prettier one my darling.

In the past year I’ve had to make hard decisions and you my love prepared me for most of the things I’ve been able to accomplish. Your passing did that. 6 years ago I did say that my life has now been dichotomised into before Mode (Bm) and After Mode (AM). I know it wasn’t a choice to be made but I wish you did not leave my love, your presence would have made a whole lot of difference.

Now, I could go a whole month without remembering you but when I do I no longer feel that deep sadness that drains me. I just smile and tell myself you would be proud of your ma-ma right now.

Bambam is fine now. She talks about you without weeping now. But she surprisingly never forgot every detail of the few years you spent together. Some details that are now a blur to me are super clear to her. We still sing ‘our’ songs, although I have never been able to sing ‘Let it Go’ without shedding a tear: that one is forever etched in my mind with you singing it😊

Your brother now knows all about you thanks to BanBam, she constantly regales him with stories of how you loved singing and how you loved food😁. He once asked me if Modebare was coming back soon, no you are not coming back cos in my heart, you never left; you have a permanent place here.



Tonight, I’ll light a candle for you as I’ve done every birthday in the past 8 years, letting you know you will forever live in my heart 

Time heals. Yes, time does heal but time cannot erase the memories I shared with you, the love I have for you is timeless. It hurts less now, but the thought of what could have been often consumes me.

Again, thank you for the music, the laughter, the joy and the glimmer of hope🙏

I love you, still, my forever angel. 

My Larondo

My Sweet Lavender 

My Mode-B

My Nadya; my Hope

Happy Birthday 🎂 

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